


StormPilot Suite: Day 3 - Incalzando

by whorl



Series: StormPilot Suite [5]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Stormpilot - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-19
Updated: 2016-04-19
Packaged: 2018-06-03 05:18:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6598306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whorl/pseuds/whorl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Finn and Poe Dameron get to know each other. Perhaps a little romance may blossom, if they are given enough time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A book with stories in it

**Author's Note:**

> Poe Dameron, Finn, myriad other Star Wars characters, and small sections of dialogue from "The Force Awakens" that appear in this story are all the property of Disney/Lucasfilm. No copyright infringement intended. Please don't sue me, I have no money.

Despite what Poe had said earlier about his X-wing not needing much work, to Finn it seemed that an awful lot of parts were still lying strewn about on the ground. Several areas of paneling had been removed, and Poe was assessing what looked like the entirety of the ship’s electronics. Cables had been stripped, switches removed, capacitors swapped, and circuits re-routed. Finn was afraid to touch anything, lest he be inadvertently electrocuted.

Poe was only half listening as Finn recounted his harrowing adventures with Rey on Jakku. Poe noticed that Finn talked about Rey with a tone of near reverence, and wondered how close the two really were. In some ways, Poe supposed that hearing that Finn was head-over-heels for her would be—an answer, at least, if not exactly what he was hoping for. He carefully extracted a circuit board from within the ship and looked it over critically. He kept his tone deliberately casual when he spoke. “Seems like it was pretty lucky that both you and BB-8 ran into Rey on Jakku. You like her?” Poe grinned playfully at Finn.

“I respect her.” Finn was more solemn that Poe had expected. “She’s amazing. Surviving all alone on that planet. She beat up two guys that attacked her to steal BB-8 and then she took **me** down—did I tell you that?”

Poe laughed. “I heard she just hopped into the Falcon and flew off the planet, flipping off some TIE fighters on the way out—sounds like my kinda lady.” He chucked the circuit board into the dirt at his feet and rubbed the crease in his forehead tiredly. “Busted.”

Finn handed him a clean board. “She’s fantastic. She just does things so much better than I can.”

“Hey, you defected from an unstoppable military regime and saved my ass from a psychotic kid whose specialty is mind torture—I think you’re pretty fantastic too.”

Finn smiled. “I think I still have some catching up to do.”

“Don’t we all.” Poe carefully inserted the new circuit board and flipped a switch. Four rows of lights illuminated. “Hey!” He started replacing bolts. “So, you gonna ask her out for a drink after you sweep in and rescue her?”

“I have a feeling she might end up rescuing **us** , knowing our luck.” Finn drew aimlessly in the dirt with the tip of a screwdriver. “And I don’t know that she’d be into that.”

“Ah. Sorry, man.” Poe fastened the last bolt and moved over to the stabilizer. He carefully unfastened a spring, then removed a thin, rigid section of metal, eyeing it critically. “Can I have the level?” Finn passed it over, still looking glum. “Seriously, though, don’t be discouraged. Sounds like things were a little intense when you met her. Maybe when you aren’t both running for your lives—”

“Maybe. Anyway, it’s not really that, it’s just—” Finn’s voice trailed off. He wasn’t entirely sure how to continue.

“Just what?” Poe had to admit, he was curious. And maybe a little bit hopeful.

“Promise me you won’t laugh?”

“Finn, you have told me some crazy shit over the last couple of days—have I laughed at you yet?”

Finn had to force himself to sound indignant. “Yes. Twice.”

“Okay, you’ve gotta admit that Stormtrooper cafeteria thing is **weird** , though, right?” Poe laughed again at the thought of it.

Finn tried to muster up his most withering look, but ended up laughing along with his friend. He still wasn’t sure he wanted to talk, though. Even to him, his thoughts about Rey sounded naïve, childish.

“Look, I promise I won’t laugh.” Poe grabbed a pair of pliers and began gently bending the edge of the stabilizer.

“Okay. So, it’s probably not surprising, but we didn’t get a lot of, uh, social training as Stormtroopers. We had strictly informative lectures about biology, and historical lectures about societal hierarchies, but it was not as though we were expected to survive long enough to retire and marry someone. Even the First Order officers were discouraged from having families.”

“Sorry to interrupt, but what—no lady Stormtroopers?”

Finn thought of Captain Phasma, and shuddered. “A few. But not many. Mostly in Command. I think they must have focused on boys when they were collecting children.”

“So, not a lot of inter-Stormtrooper relationships, then.” Poe selected another tool, still fiddling with the angle of the stabilizer.

Finn’s voice was quiet. “Once, they caught two Stormtroopers together in one of the barracks. Nobody turned them in. Someone in Command must have been watching. They didn’t just kill them. They were publicly humiliated. Tortured.” Finn swallowed. “They were a lesson. I was eleven when that happened.”

Poe looked up from his work, shocked. “Wow. Finn, I, uh—”

“It’s just the way it was there, Poe. But we were all kids, right? So we were curious, and we talked with each other, a little. And nobody had a clue about anything. Until one day, about ten years ago, six of us had a training mission on an abandoned planet. Something happened to our transport, so we couldn’t leave for a week. We ended up sheltering in a building that was built to house books.”

“A library.” Poe couldn’t tear his gaze away from his friend, though Finn wouldn’t lift his eyes from the ground.

“That’s what the commander called it when we radioed back to the ship for instructions. We had all read technical manuals, but none of us had ever seen a book with **stories** in it, or pictures that weren’t from diagrams or intelligence reports. It was like drugs. We barely ate or slept for that whole week, we just read. And we all swore each other to secrecy, because if our commander found out, we’d all be punished. Maybe killed.”

The stabilizer lay, ignored, in Poe’s lap. He stared at his friend, uncomprehending. “You didn’t have books? You couldn’t—I mean, I can’t imagine—”

“It was all new to us. We read about fantastic places, traveling in time. Simple passages that only used rhyming words. Technology that cannot exist, a galaxy in which a power like the Force was used only for good. Everything. And on the last day, I found a room that only had very thin books, mostly pictures, with a few words.”

“Children’s books,” Poe murmured, transfixed.

“Probably. And one of the books I read was a simple story about two people. It didn’t have any words, actually. Just drawings. There was a man on a mount? He had a metal sword?” Finn wasn’t sure how to describe the man in the picture.

“A knight. Knights didn’t always carry lightsabers and fly spaceships.”

“And he rescued a lady in a pink dress from a monster in a dark cave. At the end of the book, the lady kissed the, uh, knight on his cheek, and—I’ll never forget the next picture—the man had lines, of energy? They were drawn all around him, and he was floating off the ground. And in the last picture, I forgot—there **were** words—it said ‘And They Lived Happily Ever After.’ They were holding hands and walking together.” Finn still didn’t want to look back at Poe. “So, it’s stupid, but ever since then, I’ve thought that when I meet a lady, and I save her from a monster, maybe I’ll feel that same thing that the man felt, and float.” He waited for Poe to laugh at him.

“Hey.” Poe kicked Finn’s outstretched foot gently with his own. “It’s not stupid. The floating part—yeah, that’s metaphorical, but the feeling is real. That’s love.”

“So, what happened?” Finn was relieved that Poe hadn’t laughed at him, but now he was confused. “There was me, and Rey, and even a monster! But every time I did something that I was sure would make me feel like I was supposed to, I—”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa—the recipe isn’t that strict.” This wasn’t quite the direction that Poe had anticipated their conversation would take. “Rey is **a** lady, yes, but—”

“So, it’s me, then? Something’s wrong with me? I’m not a knight, but—”

“Finn.” Poe moved closer, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Finn looked up at last, meeting Poe’s eyes, but his expression was still anxious. Poe spoke deliberately. “There is **nothing** wrong with you. This is all just new for you. Look, maybe Rey isn’t the right lady for you. But that’s no reason to write off all women, or yourself. You’ll meet somebody and you’ll have your, uh, ‘knight-floating-energy’ feeling, and you’ll know it.” Finn let out a sigh of relief, and Poe grinned. “Hey, there are lots of options out there. Women. Men. Humans. Countless other species, many of whom have complementary, uh—” He gestured vaguely across his torso. “—parts. Droids.”

“Droids? **Really?** ” Finn wasn’t sure he wanted to picture that.

“Hey, if that’s what flies your ship, I know a bunch of really nice—”

“Thanks, but I think I’ll stick to humans.”

Poe noticed that he hadn’t said ‘women,’ but didn’t want to read too much into that. “Duly noted.” He picked up the stabilizer, making a final adjustment, and returned it to its slot, fastening the spring. “Hey, could you chuck a new filter into that thermal regulator module?”

Both worked in silence for several minutes. “So, Poe, do you have a girlfriend? Maybe **you’d** like Rey?”

“Poor Rey, we’re going to have her married off to someone before she even gets onto the planet.” Poe chuckled. “She does sound pretty fun, though.”

“So you’re into ladies then, not droids?” Finn had meant it as a joke, but suddenly realized that maybe he wasn’t supposed to be asking this kind of question. “I mean—sorry, I don’t want to—I mean, it doesn’t matter who you’re into—”

Poe found Finn’s sudden fluster amusing. “Well, it matters a little bit to me, I think.” Finn looked horrified, and Poe moved quickly to reassure him. “Joking. What I’m into is—” Poe laughed, a little ruefully. _You._ “Uh, enthusiastic consent? Preferably in a language I understand.” Confusion spread across Finn’s face once again, so Poe continued. “I don’t really have a type. I like to have fun, with someone else who is also having fun.”

“Oh.” Finn was sure he should have something more profound to say, but he was too focused on the fact that Poe hadn’t specified ‘women.’ He had been sure that Poe would have a girlfriend.

“I mean, that’s just for sex. I’m a little pickier if I’m actually seeing someone. But, you know, I haven’t had a real relationship with anyone in—” He rubbed the back of his neck. “—an embarrassingly long time, come to think of it.”

Finn was silent, lost in thought.

Poe peered over at him. “Hey, sorry if I just freaked you out.” He held his hand out for the repaired thermal module.

Finn jumped up to pass the module to him. “No, you didn’t freak me out.” He paused. “Sorry, I was just thinking. Lots of new stuff over the last couple of days. I’m just...processing everything.” He smiled up at Poe. “Thanks for being honest, and for listening.” _And for not making fun of me._

_And especially for giving me a little bit of hope that what I’m feeling isn’t totally crazy._


	2. Just a bad dream

After dinner, the two men returned to the campsite. Poe sat back and watched as Finn gleefully started another roaring fire. They chatted for a while about what repairs they would be performing on the X-wing the next day. Planning on an early start in the morning, both headed to bed before the campfire began to die down.

Finn dropped off quickly, but Poe was restless. He was exhausted, but he still fought to stay awake as long as possible. He knew what would happen when he eventually fell asleep. Finally, his eyelids fluttered closed, and he was able to sleep peacefully for an hour or two before his memories crept in.

_You take this. It’s safer with you than it is with me._ The noise was unbearable. The scent of blood, sweat, of ozone from the blaster fire—Poe forced himself to be calm, to reassure the little droid. _You get as far away from here as you can. Did you hear me? I’ll come back for you._ He had never lied to BB-8 before. But Poe thought his silence could protect them all. _It’ll be all right._ Only it wouldn’t.

Poe jerked awake, panting. He quickly looked over to see if he had awoken Finn with his nightmare. He was relieved. Finn lay peacefully, five yards away, his breathing slow and steady in the moonlight. _At least one of us is sleeping well._

_Damn it, I didn’t **say** anything. _ Once again, he tried to push the memory away, but it was impossible in the darkness. He had resigned himself to the nightmares, but it wasn't fair that he couldn't escape them even once he’d awoken.

He had been brave. Cocky, even, in the face of certain death. _So who talks first? Do you talk first? I talk first?_ What did he have to lose? He just had to buy enough time for BB-8 to get away to safety. Tekka was already dead.

Poe didn’t fight as he was led onto the ship. He didn’t scream his rage when he heard the order to slaughter everyone in the town. He just let himself be led into the mouth of hell.

At first, it was what he expected. Basic training had prepared him for that. He could tolerate pain, and he had an arsenal of profanity when he felt desperate to speak actual words. Each Stormtrooper they sent in did something different. The cruelty escalated as the hours passed by, as they grew more desperate for information. But still he told them nothing.

It took at least a day, as far as he could figure. But his sense of time was fuzzy, unreliable. The only landmarks were pain. Three times they had unstrapped him from that chair and led him into what must have been a holding cell. Toilet. Bench, bolted to the wall. Water in a plastic container. Some sort of food that he didn’t touch. The last time they had brought him back, reapplied the restraints, and had abruptly left. That was new. Poe hated not knowing what time it was, what day it was. He wasn’t sure he wanted to wait for whatever came next. To try and measure the passage of time, he started singing opera, as loudly and as tunelessly as he could. He knew the lengths of the arias, he could keep track of the passing minutes that way, but his mind kept forgetting the words.

As he knew it must, the door opened again. The thin, black-clad figure of Kylo Ren stood before him, flanked by a pair of Stormtroopers. Nobody spoke for a full minute, then Ren dismissed his men.

Poe knew that the helmet and that voice were supposed to command fear. Instead, it strengthened his resolve. That time, Ren had spoken first. _I had no idea we had the best pilot of the Resistance on board. Are you comfortable?_

Surprised at the banter, Poe replied in kind. _Not really._

Ren slowly approached him, entering the light. _I’m impressed. No one has been able to get out of you what did you did with the map._

Poe was resolute in his defiance. No reason to prolong the inevitable. He would welcome death at this point, if it would protect the Resistance. He tried to goad Ren into lethal action. _Might want to rethink your technique._

Ren lifted his hand, and Poe expected a blow, which never came. Instead, he began to feel a prickling behind his eyes. A thousand tiny tendrils of pain, sharp as needles, threaded their way through his head and down his throat. Without touching him, Ren slammed Poe back into the cold metal of the restraint chair. _Where is it?_

Poe thought of BB-8, Tekka, the General, his friends back at base. He fought the pain, tried to rally his waning strength. _The Resistance will not be intimidated by you._ Speaking the words aloud helped Poe try to believe it.

Ren pulled his hand slowly back towards his face, and Poe found himself pulled forwards as well. The fiery tendrils coursed throughout his body and he felt a scream torn from him. He wouldn’t speak. Ren’s voice was unconcerned, assured. _Where. Is. It?_

Poe didn’t say anything. It didn’t matter. He hadn’t been a good enough soldier. He was too weak to fight it off. Through the searing pain and his incoherent cries, Poe felt it. Something, like a hand, reaching into his mind, tearing at his thoughts, his memories. Methodically seeking the information he was trying so desperately to protect. _No!_ He frantically tried to think of something else, to drag anything into the forefront of his mind—his childhood, the last meal he had eaten, the name of his first girlfriend, even that damn opera he’d been singing just a moment before. Anything to protect the information. To protect his friends. But the pain kept tearing at his body as the hand clawed at his mind, distracting him, preventing him from holding a thought or mentally fending off Ren’s brutal, meticulous search.

Poe never spoke a word. But it didn’t matter.

Suddenly, it was over. Poe gasped as he felt the pain dissipate from his body, the hand withdraw from his mind. _No..._ Poe was desperate to know what Ren had discovered. What knowledge he’d stolen.

Ren strode out of the room, but before the door could fully close, Poe heard his report to the officers waiting outside. _It’s in a droid. A BB unit._

Poe slumped in the restraint chair, defeated. _No..._ He had failed. Alone in the chamber, Poe finally stopped fighting and let his tears flow freely.

In the cold starlight, Poe’s tears had returned. He took a couple of shaky, shuddering breaths, trying to slow the hammering of his heart. It was over. He was safe. BB-8 was safe, the map was in the hands of his friends. It would be dawn in a couple of hours. In the daylight, he could act cheerful, like his usual self. It was harder in the darkness.

Across the campsite, Finn stirred. Poe quickly rolled onto his side, away from his friend, and forced himself to remain still and quiet. Finn’s voice was gravelly with sleep. “Poe? You okay?”

“Yeah. Just a bad dream. Sorry I woke you up.” Poe stood, a little stiffly, and stretched. “Gonna take a walk. I’ll be back.”

“Want company?” Finn sat up, squinting, trying to make out the shape of his friend in the darkness.

“Nah. Just need to clear my head.”

Finn listened to Poe’s footsteps fading into the night. He bit his lip, thinking. Finn knew about nightmares. He walked carefully to the woodpile in the dim light, then returned to rebuild the fire atop the glowing bed of coals. As the tinder started to catch, Finn dragged a bent radar dish closer to the fire, spreading his bedroll along the back as a cushion. He wasn’t sure what the dish was originally meant for at the campsite, but it made a suitable fireside bench, with the added benefit of trapping some of the radiant heat from the fire. He poked at the coals with a long stick, disturbing the embers, sending a shower of sparks upwards. And he thought.


	3. Not a hero

Finn wasn’t sure what kept Poe from sleeping. But whatever it was, it was inescapable. He had been there at the campsite for just three nights, and each night Poe’s demons had tormented him awake. Every night, Finn had noticed, but tonight was the first night he’d said anything. He wasn’t sure what he could do to help, but he wanted Poe to know that he cared, that he knew what it was like to have one’s memories and fears chase away peaceful sleep.

As the fire crackled cheerfully, Finn let his thoughts drift. He thought about Rey, all alone, being interrogated by the First Order. He hoped she was still alive, that she could hold on until they arrived. She had trusted him, and he had lied to her. She had saved his life, getting them both off Jakku. But when she had needed help, he had tried to run away. He still hated himself for that.

He rubbed the heel of his hand over his eyes, remembering the last thing he’d said to Rey. _I’m not who you think I am._ She had stared at him, uncomprehending, as though she must have heard him wrong, like it was her fault for misunderstanding. _I’m not Resistance. I’m not a hero. I’m a Stormtrooper._

She hadn’t believed him at first, he could tell. Even as he had explained himself, revealed what he had done, Rey kept looking at him with trust in her eyes. She hadn’t cared that he was a Stormtrooper, that he’d lied to her. She trusted that he would do the right thing. But he hadn’t. Instead, he’d turned his back on all of them like a coward. _I’m done with the First Order. I’m never going back._ He hadn’t known, then, what the Resistance meant. The hope they could offer—the possibility that, someday, good might triumph over evil.

Finn wished he could take comfort in his confession to Rey, but he couldn’t. Telling her the truth was almost worse. If he hadn’t said anything, she’d still think that he was a Resistance fighter, and she could cling to the hope that he was leading a group to come rescue her. Instead, she must think he was still running, and that she was on her own.

But Finn knew Rey was resilient. If anyone could survive, she could. Thinking about Rey’s strength gave Finn courage, enough to believe that they just might succeed. He still wasn’t sure exactly how they could win, and this made him worry that he was still lying, now to his new friends, if only by omission this time. The Resistance was counting on him to find a way in and disable the shields. **In** was easy, if Solo could get them to the planet surface. The shields would be the hard part. He had a few ideas—commandeer and reprogram a few droids, place a bomb on an essential programming panel, maybe even pull a fire alarm or two. And Solo seemed to know about the Force, maybe he could use that to lead them to the right spot and avoid detection by the patrols. Once they found Rey, she could help them, too.

They had to win. Getting onto that planet was the only way to get Rey back. And taking down the shields was the only way that they might have a chance to destroy the First Order’s weapon and save more planets from destruction. The Resistance was counting on him. Poe was counting on him.

Poe. Finn had noticed that lately, whenever he might let his mind wander, his thoughts would inevitably circle back to his friend. Poe had been so kind to him, trusting him, letting him ask questions. Poe was brave. _And handsome_. Finn could feel himself blush at this last thought. Finn shook his head. Everything he’d believed, all he’d been taught by the First Order, his whole **life** had been turned upside down in the last week. Finn was relieved that he had realized he didn’t need to blindly follow the people who had built him. He didn’t need to kill for them. He didn’t want their acceptance.

His thoughts edged over to Poe again—his easy laugh, the warmth in his eyes when he smiled. _What is happening?_

Whenever Finn thought about him, he was confused. His thoughts of wanting something—different, more somehow—had only grown stronger. Finn tried to consider the situation rationally. Poe was his pal. His friend. The only guy that would talk to him on the base. Fun, funny, smart, and a damned good pilot. Yet despite everything he’d thought before—about princesses and men with metal swords and floating energy beams—Finn was **pretty** sure that he might just be falling in love with Poe. Thinking about Poe made his stomach tighten in a way that made Finn want to grin like an idiot and also maybe throw up a little bit. Lately, whenever Poe touched him—a slap on the back, arm slung casually over his shoulders, grabbing his arm to pull him in close as he pointed out incomprehensible parts of his ship—Finn felt as though his whole body was on fire and his heart beat in double time. Even though they were constantly together, Finn relished each excuse to talk with him, to hear his voice, to accidentally make contact with him. Finn longed for some reason to wrap his arms around his friend, to feel Poe embrace him back. Finn hated whatever it was that had sent Poe wandering off into the night. He wanted to make Poe smile and laugh and forget whatever horrors he’d witnessed.

He’d been expecting that feeling with Rey. Not with Poe.

Finn sighed glumly, pondering. _I’m an idiot._ It was pretty clear to Finn that Poe was into other people. He had basically said as much earlier that day, when they were talking by the ship. Finn had been hopeful when Poe didn’t mention having a girlfriend, or only dating women. A tiny spark of hope flared in Finn’s mind. _Maybe that means that Poe might feel the same way about me?_ But Poe had been different than usual at the end of their conversation that afternoon—a little reserved, almost shy, when he was talking about himself. _If he liked me too, wouldn’t he have said something to me then?_

Poe hadn’t made fun of him for his childish grasp of love. Finn was thankful for that, and for reassuring him that not having those feelings, that instant connection with Rey—that didn’t mean that there was something wrong with him. But Finn was still troubled. He wished he could figure out a way to tell Poe how he felt. And time was running short.


	4. If you want to

Poe quietly entered the circle of flickering light surrounding the re-lit campfire. He couldn’t tell if Finn was asleep, and he didn’t want to wake him for a second time that night. He stepped over to his footlocker and silently undid the hasp.

It took a moment for Finn to register that his friend had returned. “Hey, Poe.”

Poe cringed. “Sorry—did I wake you again?” He had gotten chilled, walking. He rummaged through his locker, looking for a sweater.

“Nah, I’ve just been sitting here, enjoying the fire. Thinking.” He watched as Poe fluidly put on the sweater, rubbing his hands together to warm them up. “Hey, it’s pretty warm over here. Turns out your radar dish makes an excellent seat.”

Poe sat down next to Finn gingerly, not wanting to unbalance the improvised chair. Finn could feel the cold radiating off his friend. “You’re freezing! Where did you walk to, the moon?”

“Which one? This planet has several.” Poe cracked a smile. “Actually, it gets pretty windy above the ridge. Forgot to bring a coat.” He shrugged.

They both sat quietly for a time gazing at the fire, watching the reds and oranges dance as the flames curled around the timber. Finn heard Poe sigh.

“Poe, I don’t know if it will help to talk about it, but you can tell me about it, if you want to.” Poe was silent, so after a moment, Finn continued. “I couldn’t sleep well for months after we saw our first combat training simulation. It was—” Finn took a deep breath, remembering. “None of it was real—I mean, we were working in a holographic program, but even still, what they expected us to do—” His voice faded out. Poe still didn’t say anything, so Finn kept talking. “I got shot about five minutes into the thing, but the way they set up the program, we didn’t get cut until the whole squadron was dead, or the campaign was over. So I lay there for two hours feeling what a simulated laser blast was like, in a pool of my simulated blood.”

“The program added in a pain module? Why?” Poe leaned forward, adding a couple more branches to the fire.

“They said it was to mimic real-life conditions. You could keep going—y’know, keep fighting, with a minor injury, as long as you could get up. You just felt it, wherever you got hit. So you’d be slower, or have to shoot with your other hand or whatever. But if you had what the program thought was a lethal wound, it would just keep you down on the ground. The rest of the squad had to work with less people. Apparently, if you tried to get up more than once, the program would hit you, hard. Make the gunshot part feel like a paper cut. I never tried it.”

“Man, even their training programmers are sadistic, huh?”

Finn nodded. “I think the programs were meant to teach us to think that the people we killed were worthless. The endpoint of that first one, where I got shot? That was to kill every living thing within the designated area in the time allotted. I could still see what was happening after I got shot. They took out the guy who got me, then his three kids, and his wife. She fell next to where I was lying. I know she wasn’t a real person, but I watched as she reached out, watched the light fade out of her eyes. The rest of my squad left to find more targets, and I heard a noise—a kid, not more than six or seven years old. He had been hidden in a cupboard, and when he came out, he went to his mom, crying, and tried to shake her awake. Can you believe it? They programmed in a little kid who was supposed to be missed in the first round, and only was found because he was grieving over his dead family.” Finn shook his head. “He was the last target, the one that ended the simulation. One of my squadmates shot him square in the face, and whooped that he had found the last one.”

Poe crossed his arms and looked sadly over at Finn. “How did any of you guys even have a chance? With all the shit they threw at you, no wonder Stormtroopers act the way they do. There isn’t a big enough word for how evil the First Order is.”

“That’s why we have to stop them.” Finn tried to make his voice sound brave.

Poe smiled. “I’m glad you’re here to help us stop them, Finn.” Poe readjusted a log in the fire, placing it in a better spot to catch the flames. “And I’m **very** glad that you are here to start fires. I’m pretty sure that I won’t die from hypothermia, now.”

Both men settled into an easy silence again, watching the fire. Poe wasn’t sure he wanted to burden his friend with his own nightmares—the poor guy had enough keeping him awake. But he also wanted Finn to know that he appreciated his willingness to listen. Poe thought for a moment, then cleared his throat. “My time on the ship. After I got captured on Jakku.”

Finn nodded. “I’ve seen some of their interrogations.” He didn’t need to say more.

“It’s not even that. It’s really—” Poe rubbed his eyes, tiredly. “It keeps coming back to me, I think, because I’m ashamed.” He hadn’t planned to say that, but Finn’s presence was reassuring, and Poe was surprised at how much he suddenly needed to talk.

Finn looked over at him, a question in his eyes, but didn’t say anything.

“I let everyone down. I couldn’t protect the information, I put my friends at risk and jeopardized everything that the Alliance has achieved.” Poe blinked back tears.

“Poe, they were—” Finn didn’t know if he wanted to use the word, since Poe had avoided it. But anything less would trivialize what had happened. “They were **torturing** you for three days. It wasn’t your fault—”

“Was it really three days? Damn, I lost track of time more than I thought.” He looked over at Finn. “But it wasn’t them, the Stormtroopers. It was Kylo Ren. After what—three days?—of me holding out, he just sauntered in and casually took what he wanted. And I couldn’t do anything to fight it. I couldn’t put up any resistance. Like I was nothing.” Poe looked away. “That’s what keeps gnawing at me.”

Finn took Poe’s hand, threading his fingers between Poe’s. He wasn’t sure if that was the sort of thing friends did. In fact, when he had tried holding Rey’s hand, she had yelled at him. Twice. But it felt like the right thing to do, then, and Poe didn’t object. Finn gave Poe’s hand a reassuring squeeze. “We were all freaked out by Kylo Ren. I mean, we were afraid of what might happen if we messed up as soldiers, but nothing compared to what Ren might do. He is totally nuts.”

At that, Poe let out a real laugh. “That he is. And here we are. Safe, for the moment.” He wasn’t sure if he was reassuring Finn or himself.

Finn thought about what Poe had said about his nightmares. “Poe? Why don’t you ask the General?”

“Hmmm?”

“She knows the Force, right? Way better than anyone else? Why not ask her if there’s some way to fight back against someone like Kylo Ren? Maybe she can train you.”

“Maybe.” Poe sleepily considered the idea. “It’s not a bad idea, Finn. Thanks. I’ll think about talking to her.”

Exhaustion caught up to the two men. They dozed, dreamless, shoulder to shoulder and hand in hand as the fire died down.


End file.
